


It's Over

by fallingjustanotherwaytofly



Series: One of Two Ways (How Chapter 202 Could Have Ended) [2]
Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Bad Ending, Chapter 202, Chapter Related, Desperate He Tian, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 22:10:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11113899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingjustanotherwaytofly/pseuds/fallingjustanotherwaytofly
Summary: "You’re so fucking narcissistic it makes me sick. I hate you, He Tian. Whatever this was, whatever we were, it’s over."If Mo Guan Shan's response didn't go the way He Tian had planned.





	It's Over

**Author's Note:**

> I love a good cup of angst in the morning. The first work in the series was a little too fluffy for my tastes. All aboard the train to angstville.

"Don't move, wait a moment..." He Tian whispered a soft plea between heavy breaths, "just a moment would be fine..."  
  
_Just let me have this; let me have you. Even if it's just for a moment, a moment is long enough. So please wait... please let me-_  
  
"Get off of me."  
  
The voice coming from the boy underneath He Tian was soft but stern. The words were forced through gritted teeth and spoken with a sharp tongue.  
  
It wasn't a request, it was a demand.  
  
_Wait, no-_  
  
He Tian lifted himself up slightly, just enough to look at the teary-eyed boy beneath him, "Mo, wait a second-"  
  
He Tian couldn't hide the confusion in his cracking voice.  
  
_Does he really not want me?_  
  
A push against his chest pulled him away from the anxiety creeping into the corners of his mind; the ache spreading from his heart to the rest of his body.  
  
"Get the fuck off me, He Tian."  
  
_Why is he pushing me away? Let me stay, don't get up please-_  
  
The words were heard but not processed. He Tian's brain was like static, panic flowing through his veins because something was wrong and Mo Guan Shan didn't want him. His body was paralyzed at the realization; lost in thought until-  
  
"HE TIAN I'M BLEEDING, FUCKING GET OFF ME!"  
  
He jumped back, sitting face-to-face with Mo.  
  
_No he isn't, he can't be-_  
  
"D-don't be ridiculous, Mo! It's the grass! It must still be wet from the rain earlier-"  
  
_Please let it be the rain_  
  
"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE WATER TO YOU, JACKASS!!"  
  
Mo quickly turned his torso around, grabbing his black tank top and lifting it up high enough for He Tian to see the damage done.  
  
Mo was right, it wasn't water. His entire back was scratched, torn raw by the concrete he was slid against when He Tian fell on top of him.  
  
Looking down at his own hand He Tian saw the same raw skin. Suddenly He Tian's chest grew tight with guilt.  
  
  
"Mo- fuck- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" He Tian reached out, lightly touching Mo's back, feeling if it the blood was real, if he had actually hurt the boy. There wasn't much blood, at least in most places, but the blood was there none the less, running down Mo's back and it was all because of him.  
  
Mo quickly turned around, slapping He Tian's hand away and stood up, wincing as he did.  
  
"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LIKE THIS, HE TIAN!? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU TAKE THINGS SO FAR!?"  
  
If the was one thing He Tian hated it was being yelled at; especially when he was the one below eye level. Yelling was an attack; an open invitation for a fight and He Tian never backed down from a fight.  
  
He stood up tall, reminding Mo that he was the one who called the shots, as if Mo wasn't already painfully aware of that. He Tian's guilt and regret quickly disappeared as his antagonistic personality got the best of him.  
  
"WHY AM I LIKE WHAT?!"  
  
"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CONSTANTLY HURT ME?! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU COME AROUND, ACT LIKE YOU'RE ALL SWEET AND INNOCENT ONLY TO LEAVE ME BLACK AND BLUE?!"  
  
Mo was right, but He Tian would never admit to being wrong. At least, not aloud.  
  
"PLEASE, LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO STARTS SHIT! LIKE YOU'RE THE VICTIM WHEN YOU HIT ME JUST AS MUCH!"  
  
_Only I don't have the bruises to prove it_  
  
"IT ISN'T THE FUCKING SAME! WHEN I HIT YOU IT'S LIGHT, LIKE WE'RE JUST ROUGH HOUSING! WHEN I KICK YOU THERE’S HARDLY ANY FORCE BEHIND IT! UNLIKE YOU WHO FUCKING LEAVES ME WITH BRUISES, PUSHES ME DOWN, PINS ME IN PLACE SO I CAN'T GET AWAY! YOU HIT AS HARD AS YOU CAN, AS IF I'M INDESTRUCTIBLE! IT'S NOT THE SAME AT ALL!"  
  
Mo was right, again, it isn't the same. Mo has never hit hard enough to leave a mark, never touched He Tian with the intent to actually hurt him. Mo knew how to hold back, he knew when enough was enough.  
  
He Tian didn't.  
  
"Mo-"  
  
"What do you really want from me, He Tian? What the Hell do you want?"  
  
_Not now, don't ask me this now_  
  
He Tian was at a lost for words. He knew that whatever he'd say would only make the situation worse. 

Everything he does makes things worse.

  
"... can't you tell?"  
  
_How could he?_  
  
Mo let out a laugh without a hint of mirth, "I'm not a fucking mind reader. I have no fucking idea what you're after anymore..."  
  
_Did you ever know?_  
  
"... what did you think I was after?"  
  
_Do you know how much I want you?_  
  
Mo took a deep breath, "I thought, that maybe- maybe you liked me. But that was clearly delusional on my part."  
  
_It isn’t, I like you, I love you_  
  
"I do like you, Mo... I lov-"  
  
"YOU DON'T! DON'T YOU DARE SAY YOU LOVE ME AFTER EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE! DO YOU THINK YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON WHO'S TRIED TO SHOW ME LOVE THROUGH A PUNCH?! YOU DON'T HURT SOMEONE YOU LOVE!"  
  
_Who, who else hurt him? I'm not like them- am I?_  
  
He Tian took a cautious step towards Mo, "Guan Shan, I didn't mean-"  
  
Mo took a step back, shrinking in on himself, "Don't get near me."  
  
_Don’t push me away_  
  
Even from a distance, He Tian could see the fear in Mo's eyes.  
  
_Why are you afraid?_  
  
"Guan Shan, I'm not going to hurt you, I swear, just let me-"  
  
"I don't believe you!"  
  
He Tian was getting desperate. If this was a joke he wasn't laughing.  
  
_Mo must be overreacting, that's all_  
  
"Don't be so dramatic, stop acting like you're scared of me."  
  
"I AM scared of you! How can I not be when you're so unpredictable?! When you show up out of the blue whenever you fucking feel like it! I'm on edge every time i’m near you because one moment you're smiling at me like you’re capable of being nice and the next you're pushing me down, reminding me how much stronger you are; how you could easily break me piece by piece if you wanted to! It- it fucking scares me... you scare me... you scare everyone!"  
  
He Tian didn't notice the tears running down his face; the pain in his heart was too overwhelming.  
  
"I didn't mean it, I don't mean it! I'm not good with words so I-"  
  
"So you talk with your hands instead? Like I haven't heard that one before. It's a shame because if you had talked with words like normal people do, if you had bothered to ask ME how I was feeling, what I wanted, you would have figured out that I wanted you too; that I liked you too. That I would have kissed you back had you not shoved your tongue down my throat. That every time you reached for me I hoped you'd be gentle but I was always wrong. You have no idea how to treat other people, do you? It's too late for words, He Tian. I’m done."  
  
Desperation turned into begging.  
  
"Give me another chance! I promise, I swear to God I'll stop hurting you! I love you, I do! I want to be with you! Fuck, when- when i'm with you everything seems to be ok! I don’t feel so goddamn alone when I'm with you!"  
  
_I need you, I don't want to lose you. I'll do anything, anything_  
  
"It isn't all about you, He Tian! I'm not here just to make you feel better! I'm not here to comfort your lonely soul! I'm not here to be yours! A relationship is a two-way street and that's something you'll never be able to understand. Stop using me to make yourself feel better. Stop acting like you fucking own me. You don't like me, you like the idea of me. Go find someone else to push around and leave me the fuck alone."  
  
None of it felt real to He Tian. Mo's words didn't feel real. The world around him didn't feel real. The sight of Mo slightly limping towards the apartment steps didn't feel real.  
  
_Don’t go_  
  
“Guan Shan, wait!" He Tian shouted as he jogged towards Mo. He was smiling, trying to show that he could be as gentle as the other boy wanted him to be.  
  
But his smile faltered when he was met with eyes that could kill.  
  
"Don’t call me that and don't you dare get any fucking closer to me."  
  
_He doesn't really mean that_  
  
"But you need help, right? You're in pain! At-at least let me help you up the stairs-"  
  
He Tian could feel the fear and anger radiating off Mo's body.  
  
_This is a dream and when I wake up everything will be ok_  
  
"I don't want your goddamn help, I’ve never wanted your help."  
  
_It's a dream, it's a dream, wake up, wake up_  
  
"But I love you! Isn’t that enough? Can-can't we start over? Please don’t do this to me."  
  
It was all He Tian could think to say, all he had left.  
  
"You’re so fucking narcissistic it makes me sick. I hate you, He Tian. Whatever this was, whatever we were, it’s over."  
  
The further Mo walked up the steps the more He Tian realized that he couldn't wake up from reality.  
  
_It's over_  
  
He Tian stood there, in the quiet of the night, feeling more alone than ever.  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> This was hard to write because these boys love each other and I will go down with this ship.


End file.
